Shockwave's Logical Conclusion
by LKW
Summary: G1. A reworking of Optimus Prime Declares: Megatron Must Be Destroyed! Shockwave fans DASH fans of treasonous Shockwave, anyway DASH will need a big sense of humor .... Now with explanation


Takara, Hasbro, and their authorized licencies own all Transformer characters herein.

After I first wrote the "Optimus Prime Declares: …" piece, in comic-type form, it occurred to me thatI should take my disgust out on the one actually to blame for the stupidity in Transformers #25 (well, other than the writer, but (despite how funny "Budiansky is too clever! Yes … too clever!" might be), can't really do that). So I started this similar, but different, piece. I only got around to "drawing" a couple panels of it, but I've had it almost completely written out in my head for a while now; so, here it is. Again it is heavily influenced by the comics – Shockwave's manner of speech, for glaring example. If (when) I write further TF stories, while they'll still be informed by both cartoon and (multiple) comic incarnations, it should be a more even balance of the two (and also more straightforwardly goofy -unless it's a more serious piece; then, probably not so much); this was just something I had to get off of my chest.

UPDATE: I decided that it would be helpful to give a detailed explantion of the story which I'm improving - er, parodying - in this piece (and its sister companion, "Optimus Prime Declares: Megatron Must Be Destroyed!"), Marvel Comics' (US numbering) Transformers # 25. Optimus Prime has just allowed himself to be blown up because he cheated in a computer-simulated battle to the death with "Megatron". (The Marvel depiction is so inaccurate, through almost the entire run of the series, that I won't even dignify it by calling it Megatron.) In Transformers # 25, "Megatron", though he seemed reasonably sane at the end of last issue, becomes increasingly paranoid and agitated, until Shockwave convinces him that Prime's essence has survived on a floppy disk (which is exactly what happened, by the way (yes, Prime's brain is apparently that small ;) ), not that that occurs to the mighty intellect of Shockwave). "Megatron" responds to this by ... going on an angry rant, adapted near the end of this story, jumping on the Space Bridge, and blowing it up. Yeah. So, if this story doesn't seem to make any sense - and I know that it didn't to at least one reader - thanks for the review - it's because I'm making fun of a story which doesn't make any damn sense. (Why bother? Because I decided to turn this scenario, paired with my own, pretty lengthy, set-up, on a character which didn't share the name (if not even the correct head color) of Megatron - and a character which got away with being pretty dang annoying in the comics - until the last couple issues of Dreamwave's run, anyway :) - while poking fun at a few other things, such as the fact that RATBAT was Decepticon leader in Marvel Comics for a significant chunk of time ...)

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Starscream was NOT happy.

Summarily summoned, like a mere underling! And to a secret "headquarters" located under a pathetic Earthen hill! He was getting dirt all over his unparalelled frame, into his circuits, going through the entrance into this wretched place. Oh, there would be a reckoning for this. Oh, yes –

Finally entering a fully metallic room in this "base", Starscream immediately spotted the Transformer responsible for this annoying trek. "All right, Shockwave!" he exclaimed angrily. "What's the meaning of dragging me all the way out here to this – hill in the ground?" he asked incredulously.

The tall purple Decepticon who was the object of Starscream's ire briefly turned his head away from his control console, training his golden sensor, the sole feature visible on his "face", toward the blustering arrival. "Hypothesis: ah, Starscream. I had calculated a 92.56 probability that you would arrive at this time."

This reply did nothing to ease Starscream's ire. "I could give a rusty piston about your probability projections, you one-sensored lump! What was so urgent – "

Shockwave cut the Decepticon Air Commander off. "Hypothesis: your outburst is illogical, as are all emotions. Observation: your inane sputtering does serve a purpose, however, as it serves to demonstate my superiority over all others –"

"WHAT?" Starscream wasn't sure he could get much more infuriated without exploding. Literally.

"And why," Shockwave continued, "leadership of the Decepticons must be mine. Hypothesis: and it shall be mine. Today."

"WHAT!" This outburst, while sounding largely the same, came from a completely different part of Starscream's emotional spectrum. As quickly as he had heated up, the silver, red, and blue Decepticon was now being overtaken with much more pleasant thoughts. "Then – Megatron has – finally fallen?" Starscream's neural net raced. If the nigh-indestructable founder and leader of the Decepticons had at last been somehow killed, then finally, Starscream could assume his detined role as ruler! Oh, a few might attempt to stand in his way – like plodding Shockwave here - but –

Starscream's emotional roller coaster continued. "Correction: no." Shockwave said. Starscream's form sank in visible disappointment. "Hypothesis: however, very shortly, I calculate we will receive word – that Megatron has been destroyed."

"Oh!" Starscream brightened again. How like Shockwave, to be caught up on a petty correction of semantics while ignoring the important imformation. But …. "What do you mean, we WILL receive word? How can you be so certain?"

"Declaration: Because I have sent out a strike force, which I calculate with certainty, SHALL be able to obliterate Megatron!" Shockwave exclaimed. Was it Starscream's imagination, or did Shockwave's eye, or whatever, flash as he'd said that?

"What? Who? And … why wasn't I involved?" If Starscream had been among the warriors to destroy Megatron – dealing in the final blow, perhaps – it could have helped him gain momentum in the bid for leadership. Not among Megatron's loyalists, maybe; but surely most Decepticons would see they needed a powerful ruler to lead them to victory. "For that matter … why are YOU waiting back here for a report?"

"Erm …" Was Shockwave PREVARICATING? "Declaration: It would be … illogical to … risk incurring any damage to myself in such a battle when it is unneccary, Starscream. As for you, I calculated that it was more logical to have any other possible rivals for Decepticon Command here in my presence when I assumed control."

"Ah." Starscream's enormous ego was stroked by Shockwave calling him a rival, before he was angered by Shockwave's presumptous command assuption. But … "rival**s**"? The robot looked around the room, truly, for the first time. Was that … a Junkion? Was that the "rival"? No, wait; there was a small cage in the corner – with one of those pitiful Headmaster fleshings in it. The so-called "Lord" … Zarspeck?

No ….

"Lord Zarek," Starscream remembered. "So, Shockwave, you've taken Scorponok out of the game, eh?"

"Interrogative: what? Oh. Hypothesis: you think I saw Scorponok as a threat to my leadership. No; Zarek is being held here to ensure the cooperation of his binary-bonded partner in my assult on Megatron."

"What? But…."

Starscream's thought process was interrupted by the plaintive voice calling out from the corner. "Starscream! You must help me!" Zarek exclaimed. "Shockwave has gone mad! I tried to explain to him that we can't control Scorponok from this far away, but –"

Yes. Shockwave did seem … a little off. This mysterious plan, which he couldn't even monitor from this distance …. This dirtheap of a headquarters …. And the décor. "Vulcans do it logically?" What on Earth was a Vulcan?

"Declaration: enough of your duplicitous whining, puny flesh creature," Shockwave said, kicking Zarek's cage. Zarek fell on his head and was quieted.

"Then … I am your only 'rival', Shockwave?" Starscream's thought process inevitably, rapidly, returned to himself.

"Declaration: no," Shockwave replied, turning away from the Air Commander. "According to my calculations, there is only one other Decepticon capable, charismatic, and powerful enough to be a threat to my position as Decepticon leader." Who? Trypticon? Powerful, sure, but kind of a downer; besides, there wasn't room here for a cage that size …. Starscream followed Shockwave's monoccular gaze, up to another small cage, heretofore unnoticed, hanging up in the opposite corner of the chamber. Imprisoned within was apparently Shockwave's other contender for leadership of the Decepticons … Ratbat?

"Squee?" Ratbat asked.

All right. It was official: Shockwave's higher mental functions were undergoing a serious meltdown.

Well, Starscream thought, that will certainly leave me in key position to take over the Decepticons -! There's now stopping me now! I WILL rule the universe –

After Megatron is destroyed. By Shockwave's plan.

Shockwave, the mad robot.

Perhaps … it's time I take my leave, Starscream concluded. He started to back off towards the doorway.

"Interrogative: Starscream? You wouldn't be trying to leave, would you?"

"No … I AM leaving! If you think that I'm going to wait around here for your insane plan to fall through, and Megatron to come flying in here to disassemble you, and think that **I** had something to do with it – "

Shockwave's form shook slightly. "Declarative: Ha! Ha! You are so illogical it is amusing, Starscream. … If I HAD emotions," Shockwave added, "which of course I do not. Hypothesis: the logic of my plan is unassailable; and you even attempt to decry it without knowing all of its facets. Conclusion: you are truly illogical."

"Fine, whatever." Perhaps … Shockwave was the Millitary Commander. Even if he was experiencing a mental crash, he could still have devised a plan which could take Megatron out. Possibly. "All right, then, 'Mr.Logic'. Fill me in on the rest of your brilliant assassination plan, why don't you?"

Shockwave turned to adjust a monitor screen. "Declaration: it was only a matter of using my vast data grid to determine which Decepticons could destroy Megatron …"

Read: what few fools he could scrape up to go along with him, Starscream thought.

" … along with a select squadron of Autobots."

Ah! That might hold promise. Better the whole blasted army than "a select few," but …. "Who? Some real powerhouses, I hope?"

"Declaration: of course. I manipulated only the warriors I hypothesized had the best chance of destroying Megatron into attacking him. Warriors like … Beachcomber."

"…What?"

"And Chase … Searchlight … That human – Interrogative: what is his name? 'Sparkplug Witwickity' or some such?"

Oh no ….

"And Wheelie …."

Oh NO ….

"Declaration: oh! Interrogative: what am I thinking?" Starscream was sure he didn't know. "Declaration: I almost forgot to mention the key Autobot. The one who has dedicated his existence to destroying Megatron, no matter the cost."

"What?" Starscream was surprised again. "You can't mean Optimus Prime –"

"Correction: no, foolish Starscream. I, of course, mean Ratchet."

That's it. I'm out of here.

Starscream hadn't crossed the threshold, however, before – an explosion? Was Shockwave attacking him, then? Well, Starscream wasn't easily –

After whirling around, however, Starscream found that the source of the din was not Shockwave. Rather, it was Fangry, who had suddenly arrived … THROUGH Shockwave's monitor screen.

"Declaration: Fangry. I had not expected your return so soon. Conclusion: that is of little import, however. Describe to me the success of my plan."

"Success? SUCCESS!" Fangry, clearly the worse for wear and never the most even-keeled Transformer to begin with, was spitting angry … literally. "Your battle 'plan' – ha! Scorponok stopped moving before we even got to Megatron! We had to drag him the rest of the way there! And he didn't do a thing once we got to the battle site, either!"

Having only the one facial feature didn't give Shockwave much in the way of expessions; but Starscream could tell that the insane fool was concerned about what he was hearing.

"And our Autobot 'allies'? Megatron swept through them in a matter of moments!" Fangry continued. "I think he yawned in the middle of it! And – I think you tricked me, Shockwave! Megatron wasn't giving me orders, was he? I think YOU were trying to! And you know, Fangry does NOT … TAKE … ORDERS…."

Shockwave backed off. Starscream was certain of the nervousness which he saw in the robot's movements now. But somehow, Starscream doubted that it was Fangry, even with the excessive expectoration, who was so frightening Shockwave ….

"Declaration: … but … but …" The poor monocular fool was rambling now. "Hypothesis: My logic was foolproof!"

"You're the fool,. Shockwave!" Fangry growled. "And now … you'll pay …." Fangry slowed, and Starscream noticed his limp. And one of the wolf-creature's arms hung uselessly; and his back was burned …. Starscream recognized THAT mark all too well. Fusion cannon burn.

"Interrogative: if Megatron has not been destroyed …." Shockwave's hand was held to the side of his head.

"DUH, Shockwave!" Fangry exclaimed.

"Interrogative: then … where is he?"

"DOUBLE DUH!" Fangry looked back at the hole in the monitor. "I didn't FLY through that thing, you idiot! He threw me through it!"

"Interrogative: … what?"

Fangry appeared to perceive Shockwave's fear. "That's right," he toothily smiled. "Now, he was a few miles away at the time, but I … calculate … he should be here any – "

"Hail, Shockwave!" came a voice Starscream recogized as instantly as if it were his own.

Yes, he could see through the monitor – the giant, gapping hole in the monitor, that is – standing just at the top of the hill outside, with a small group of Decepticons, was, of course, Megatron. Fully functional, and as shiny as the day he was born. Of course.

Unhappy though Starscream was with this situation, Shockwave appeared to be taking it even worse. The crazy idiot couldn't stop shaking his head back and forth, and in fact Starscream thought Shockwave was … trembling. "Hypothesis: no?" issued feebly from – wherever it was his voice came from.

"It was a good .. well, actually, it was a rather pitiful attempt, Shockwave!" Megatron continued. "And not nearly enough to defeat Megatron!"

Shockwave was now backing towards the exit. As if THAT would help. Starscream was happy to get out of his way. Bad enough that he was here at all; although surely, he reasoned, in his egotistical way, Megatron wouldn't think that Starscream could be involved in such a – STUPID plan ….

"Now, Shockwave," Megatron called down, "it is your turn! Prepare … for annihilation!"

Shockwave's uni-sensor had gotten so large it seemed to take up his entire face. He swayed back and forth, like the madrobot he had truly become.

"Hypothesis: he lives! Megatron lives!" he exclaimed. He was in the doorway now. "Declaration: but he won't get Shockwave, no! Interrogative: Shockwave is too clever? Hypothesis: yes … too clever!"

Starscream kept one optic on the insane loser as he freed Ratbat; might as well curry favor with Soundwave, keep this from being a total loss. And a "total loss " is what Starscream had a feeling this whole area was about to become when Megatron was through with it.

"Hypothesis: Shockwave will go where no one can ever find him!" Shockwave yelled, running down the corridor, his arms flailing above his head.

"Is … is that the reactor room?" Starscream asked Fangry.

"I think so – "

"Time to fly!" Starscream transformed, as Fangry prepared to leap out of the building.

"Wait!" Lord Zarek had come to. "Take me with you! As binary-partner of the Headmaster Commander, Fangry, I command you to –"

"You 'command'?" Fangry smashed Zarek's cage. "I'm taking you out of here to EAT you, for daring to command me, you little fool!" he exclaimed, grabbing Zarek with his mouth.

Zarek's cry of "Bleh!" was cut off by the remainder of Shockwave's rant, reaching down the corridor.

"CONLUSION: WHERE MEGATRON CAN NEVER FOLLOW –"

Starscream took off, as he heard the firing of Shockwave's massive energies.

**Boom!**

Megatron watched the smoke rising into the air, an amused chuckle escaping his lips.

"He … " loyal Skywarp, holding one of the prisoners, began, "he blew up the base, and himself with it!"

"Congratulations, Megatron!" Soundwave proclaimed. "Or should I say Mighty Megatron, master of all Decepticons? You destroyed Shockwave!"

"Correction, Soundwave!" Megatron replied. "**I** did not destroy Shockwave – the mere THOUHGT of me did! Whoity-whoity-ha-ha-ha-

"Hm?"

Running away from the smoking crater, towards the other side of the valley … was Shockwave.

The insane renegade had now apparently recalled that he had boot jets, as he began to lift off from the ground. "Hypothesis: Megatron cannot follow through the back door … if the back door no longer exists!" Shockwave cried. "Conclusion: oh, Shockwave, I am too clever – "

FWUMP!

The pieces of Shockwave's body flew off into four separate directions from the force of Megatron's blast. His head flew up into the air, spinning crazily before flying back down to sink in the dirt.

"I stand corrected, Soundwave!" Megatron said. "It appears I did destroy Shockwave after all!"

"You are always right, Megatron!" Soundwave replied.

The end!


End file.
